my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
