doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
