Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
