her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
