mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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