Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
