Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
