Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
