The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
