You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
