Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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