He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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