Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
