I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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