i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
