or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
