i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
