I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
