When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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