She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
