party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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