i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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