My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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