I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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