He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize