woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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