your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
