We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
