Well apparently he's into motor boating.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
