she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize