I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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