dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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