I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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