Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
