Don't make out with my wife yet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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