you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
