saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize