Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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