just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
