i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
