I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
