I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
