video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize