I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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