I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
