ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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