my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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