What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's like heaven, but drunker
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
