Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
