Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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