OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize