One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
