I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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