I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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