The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
