On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize