At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize