dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
