i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
