At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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