the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
