My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
