he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
