I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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