my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
