I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
