i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Farmville is her only friend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
