Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
