Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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