my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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