I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
