Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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