YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
