And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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