Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
