So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
